How to Help If Your Child Is Being Bullied

What to Do if Your Child is Being Bullied?

If your autistic child is being bullied at school, act promptly and seek help from the school. All schools in Malaysia have anti-bullying policies designed to protect students.

Talk to the School Staff

Meet with your child’s teacher or school staff. Clearly and calmly express your concerns. Plan what you want to say beforehand. During the meeting, explain how the bullying affects your child and get the school’s perspective. Be specific about incidents and take notes of what the teacher says and any agreed actions.

Have a Clear Plan

Before ending the meeting, ensure you have a clear plan. Avoid contacting the bully or their parents directly, as this can worsen the situation. Work with the school instead.

If Bullying Persists

If bullying continues despite your efforts, take further steps:

Keep a record of incidents.
Write to the teacher, stating the bullying is ongoing, and request a written response.
Speak to the principal.

Approaches to Help Your Child in School

Map your child’s day: Create a map of your child’s school environment to identify areas where they feel vulnerable. This helps the school focus on these areas.
Breaktime and lunchtimes: The school playground is one of the places where autistic children and young people can be most vulnerable. Suggest for schools to have structured breaktime activities and safe spaces such as:

Lunchtime clubs
Library time
Permission to use the computer lab
Structured playground activities that help your child socialise

Buddy and befriending system: Help your child make friends and feel supported.

For example, a friendship bench where children can sit if they need someone to talk to or play with.
Using a circle of friends can teach other children about autism and also helps autistic students develop social skills.

Systems for reporting bullying:

Autistic children may not feel comfortable reporting bullying face-to-face.
A bullying box allows them to report incidents privately.
This also gives them more time to consider their words.

Autism awareness programs

Speak to the school about programs to educate other children about autism sensitively, without singling out your child.

Consistent Support

Ensure your child has a reliable team of staff they trust.
Consistency in support is crucial to avoid frustration.
Inconsistent responses from staff may discourage your child from reporting future incidents.

Whole School Approach

Studies show that schools adopting a whole school approach to bullying often experience a reduction in bullying and a safer environment. Encourage the school to adopt a comprehensive anti-bullying strategy, including:

Anti-bullying lessons for all students
Encouraging students to report bullying
Involving all staff and students in prevention
Clear posters and literature promoting a zero-tolerance policy on bullying

Empowering Your Child

If your autistic child is being bullied at school, they need love and support at home. Assure them that bullying is not their fault and that you will help resolve it.

Explain bullying: Use role-play, cartoon strips, or storybooks to help your child understand the difference between bullying and misunderstandings. Clarify that bullying causes physical or emotional harm.
Provide escape strategies: Create a prompt card with steps to take and a map of safe places at school. Teach them to say, “Stop – I don’t like that,” and to seek help from a teacher.

Check out our article on

“Self-Advocacy Skills in Autistic Children”

for tips to empower your child with the skills to advocate for themselves and speak up against bullying.

Encourage friendships: Organise playdates and social activities. Supportive friends can help protect your child from bullying.
Address long-term effects: Bullying can cause issues like low self-esteem, behavioural problems, and poor concentration. Children may avoid social situations due to fear and may suffer from stress-related illnesses.
Boost self-esteem: Praise your child for their work and achievements. Create an achievement book or board to showcase their successes. Share stories of successful autistic individuals to inspire them.
Teach response strategies: Equip your child with strategies for when they’re upset, such as seeing a specific teacher or using a bully box to report bullying.
Social skills training: Your child might benefit from training to recognise friendly and unfriendly behaviours. Use TV shows with exaggerated expressions, like Mr Bean or The Simpsons, to teach these skills.
Seek professional help: If needed, get professional support to build your child’s confidence and self-esteem.

What if Your Child is the Bully?

Autistic children can display bullying behaviour, but their intent may be different. They might struggle with social rules and not realise the impact of their actions. Schools should understand how autism affects each child and avoid jumping to conclusions.

It’s essential for school staff to:

Empathise and understand: Understand the child’s perspective and encourage empathy.
Use restorative approaches: Work with the wider group to restore relationships.
Reduce anxiety: Find ways to help the child feel less anxious.

Autistic children may react due to social misunderstandings, anxiety, or have a need for control, which can be mistaken for bullying. For example, they might:

Want to join in but not know how.
Feel anxious about changes in routines.
Struggle to understand others’ viewpoints.

If you think your child is bullying others, here are some steps to help:

Explain bullying: Make sure your child understands what bullying is. Explain that name-calling and excluding others are forms of bullying.
Identify the cause: Understand why your child is behaving this way. They might need help finding better ways to interact, like asking an adult to join activities. Teachers, support staff, or psychologists can assist.
Work with the school: Talk to the school about their bullying policy and how you can support it from home. Regularly check in with the school to monitor your child’s behaviour and see what more you can do.
Seek professional help: Consult professionals about therapies or supports that can help your child understand social rules and the impact of their actions on others.
Encourage positive behaviour: Reward your child for good social behaviour, like taking turns. Set clear consequences for bullying, such as missing out on activities if they continue to bully.
Listen to your child: Your child might be bullying because they have been bullied themselves. Listening to their experiences can provide insight into their behaviour.