Focus on Young Siblings:

Growing Up with an Autistic Sibling

Growing up with an autistic sibling, your family life might look different from your friends, and that’s okay.

Siblings like you have a mix of feelings and experiences as part of your family life. Some of these are positive and enjoyable, and some can be negative and difficult. This is normal.

See Supporting Siblings in Families with Autism for more stories on growing up with an autistic sibling.

A Space for Me

Sometimes, it can seem like everything at home revolves around your sibling. You might have to help with their care or miss out on fun activities. School can also be tough because friends and teachers might not understand what you’re going through.

Remember, your parents love you just as much as your autistic sibling. They might trust you to handle things on your own because you don’t need as much support. Always talk to them about your fears and concerns so that they can help you.

“I tell my dad all about my day in the car on the way home from school. It’s just me and him and I really enjoy that time because I know he’s paying attention to me.”

Big Feelings

You might feel a mix of big emotions. Some are positive, and some are hard. This is completely normal.

You might feel depressed, anxious or stressed, and that’s okay. Your feelings might also show up in different ways. Here are a few examples of how your body and brain might show what they’re feeling.

  • It’s harder to fall asleep.

  • You might feel tired or angry most of the time.

  • You may not want to talk to your friends as much.

  • You might get headaches or stomach aches for no reason

  • It might be hard to concentrate in school or finish your homework.

Always give yourself permission to notice and feel your big emotions. Try to focus on healthy ways to release each emotion.

Talk to your parents about how you feel. Looking after your mental health is important, and asking for help when you need it is really brave.

“I always ask my mum for a hug when I feel sad. It lets her know that I’m not OK and that I need some help. It makes me feel better too.”

What Happens in the Future?

You might worry about who will take care of your sibling when they are older or think about your own future plans, like college or work. It’s normal to worry, but sometimes it’s hard to talk about it. A lot of worry can make it hard to enjoy life and affect your schoolwork. It’s important to get help with your worries.

Talking to your parents about how you feel might help. Parents prefer it when their children tell them what they are worried about. If it feels hard to do this in person, you can write them a letter, text, or email.

If you can’t talk to your parents, talk to someone you trust – a teacher, school counsellor, or relative.

You can also write your worries in a diary – sometimes it helps to get them out of your head and onto paper.

See Focus on Siblings: Practical Strategies for Parents to learn more about how to discuss the future of their autistic sibling in a sensitive manner.

“When I feel anxious, I take some deep breaths and then go and talk to my parents. Just telling them how I’m feeling really helps.”

Resources

The SibKit 2.0 is a booklet filled with interactive worksheets and tips for people like you who have brothers and sisters with disabilities, medical complexities or diagnoses.

YoungSibs by the UK Charity Sibs has some fantastic resources to help you manage your experiences and feelings as a sibling of an autistic brother or sister. It’s written by siblings for siblings who understand what you’re going through.

If you’re a teenager, you might want to check out Life as an autism sibling: a guide for teens by the Organisation for Autism Research.

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