Masturbation is when someone touches their own body, especially their genitals, to experience sexual pleasure. It is a normal and safe activity that does not harm the body. Masturbation cannot cause pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Some people choose to masturbate, while others don’t—both choices are completely okay.Masturbation should only be done in private places like:

• the bedroom with the door and the curtains closed
• the toilet in your own home with the door closed
• the shower in your own home with the bathroom door closed

Help your child identify these private places. Use pictures or signs to remind them. Make sure they know other places, even if labelled ‘private,’ are not for masturbation.

Talk to your child about masturbation so that they do not develop any anxieties about what they are doing. Reassure them it is normal.

• Hygiene: Teach them to clean themselves after, if necessary, with tissues or wipes.
• Always knock rule: Make sure everyone knocks before entering bedrooms.

Autism can make it hard for a person to know what is socially appropriate and to understand how others feel or what they might do next. Inappropriate behaviours like touching others or being naked in public may happen for reasons that aren’t immediately obvious. For autistic individuals, these actions might not be sexually motivated but could be ways to understand social cues, seek sensory stimulation, or satisfy curiosity.Examples of inappropriate behaviours:

• Touching or brushing against someone: An autistic person might touch or brush against someone’s body because they:
  • Use it as a routine to understand the person’s mood due to difficulty interpreting facial expressions and body language.
  • Enjoy the reaction they get.
  • Seek to repeat sensory stimulation they experienced previously.
  • Are curious about how a part of the body feels.
• Unexpected kissing: This might happen because they:
  • Imitate what they’ve seen on television, expecting the same reaction.
  • Assume the other person wants to kiss because they themselves want to.
• Public nudity and inappropriate public behaviour: A child might persistently show their genitals or bottom. A teenager might touch their genitals in public.

Here are some strategies for dealing with inappropriate behaviours adapted from the National Autistic Society:

• Behaviour diaries: Keep a behaviour diary to track what happens before, during, and after certain behaviours. This can help you understand why the behaviour is happening. It may take a few weeks or longer to notice patterns. Even if the behaviour is unpleasant, staying calm and keeping a level tone is important.
• Social stories and comic strip conversations: Use social stories or comic strip conversations to understand how the person sees a situation and teach them the right way to respond. For example, “We greet people by shaking their hand.”

• “It’s Alright” behaviour table: Create a table listing different people and activities like holding hands or kissing. Ask if these activities are okay with family, strangers, teachers, etc. Use tick/cross or yes/no to mark what’s appropriate.

More detailed guidance on managing these problematic behaviours can be found at Raising Children Network.

Relationships are the connections between two people. There are many different types of relationships, and the way people interact and communicate depends on the type of relationship they have.

As your child goes through puberty and learns about sexual feelings, it’s important to discuss sexual relationships. Emphasise that sexual relationships are a normal part of life, but they are not necessary for everyone. Your child doesn’t have to have sex to be popular or because others say they should.

Some autistic teenagers might find it hard to understand sexual feelings in themselves and others. You can help your child by breaking down these feelings into thoughts, body sensations, and behaviours:

• Thoughts: Thinking about the person a lot.
• Body sensations: Feeling a tingly sensation in their stomach or getting erections when near the person.
• Behaviours: Trying to be around the person more often.

Autistic teenagers might find it difficult to express their sexual feelings, which can lead to inappropriate or risky behaviours or unhealthy relationships. Here are some strategies adapted from Raising Children Network to help:

• Practise social interactions: Role-play scenarios, such as talking to someone at a party or asking someone to go watch a movie. Practice responses for both acceptance and rejection.
• Set clear rules: For example, “You can ask someone out once. If they say they’re not free, you can ask them again another time. If they say no again, even if they give you an excuse, you shouldn’t ask again.”
• Establish boundaries: Teach that following someone around or frequently contacting them online is not acceptable

Consent is when someone gives permission for something to happen. It’s crucial for safe and respectful relationships. Teach your child these key points about consent:

• What is Consent: When a person says it’s okay to do something.
  • If a person says they want to do something, they consent.
  • If a person says no or that they do not want something, they do not consent.
• Importance of Consent:
  • People need to get your consent before touching you.
  • You need to get someone else’s consent before touching them.
  • Consent is always important, no matter how long you’ve known someone or your relationship with them

When your child understands and respects consent, they are more likely to have healthy, respectful, and safe sexual experiences. Knowing about consent can also protect them from sexual abuse and prevent problematic or harmful sexual behaviour.

Encourage self-advocacy and independence in autistic children by providing opportunities for choice and autonomy. Balance protection with fostering independence to help them grow confidently.

 

Young people, including autistic individuals, spend increasing amounts of time on social media. The internet comes with risks, such as exposure to explicit content like pornography and exploitation by sexual predators. Research shows that autistic individuals are more vulnerable to these online threats due to difficulty navigating social cues and feelings of isolation.

Some key topics to discuss with your child include:

• Sexting: Sexting involves using digital technology to send, receive, or share sexually suggestive images, videos, or messages. Explain the risks and permanent nature of such actions to your child.
• Social media usage: Teach your child to be cautious about what they post online. Remind them that anything shared online becomes public and permanent.
• Pornography: Discuss the negative messages about sex and relationships often portrayed in pornography. Encourage your child to talk openly about any questions or concerns they have. Also, inform them that it is illegal to possess or download pornographic materials.

For more detailed advice on online safety, refer to our article on A Guide to Online Safety for People with Autism

These topics, along with strategies for dealing with sexting and sexual predators, are also extensively covered on the Raising Children Network website. They provide guidance on talking to your children about pornography at different ages.

Resources

Dr. Amar-Singh HSS (2021). Cybersafety: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe Online. Guidebook for Teachers and Parents. Women’s Centre for Change. Available at: Women’s Centre for Change